The Virginia town of Crozet where Mary Minor Harristeen or “Harry” resides proudly traces its founding to one of Napoleon's engineers. The town annually displays the colors of that megalomaniac world conqueror wannabe and gloats in it. I can only wonder how such Virginians as Washington, Jefferson, and Madison would react to such allegiance. Despite this, the inhabitants are very concerned with who is or is not a F.F.V. that is, a First Family of Virginia. Indeed everyone is far too concerned with everyone else’s life.

Plans are in the works for the Wrecker’s Ball, a charity fete to raise money to build houses for the poor when one of the brothers who runs the local salvage yard keels over dead at a tea party held by the town’s F.F. V. dowager. Harry has already discovered the corpse of a giant pileated woodpecker on her lawn that morning. (Perhaps these two souls were aware of the plot and hasten to remove themselves from the absurdity.) A veritable crime wave begins when someone steals the hubcaps from the assistant postmistress’s 1961 Ford Falcon and a deputy is attacked by a drunk driver and has his jaws wired shut. The sheriff remarks that maybe this way the man can lose some weight!

Harry’s sleuthing efforts are aided by Mrs. Murphy, a tiger cat, Pewter, a fat gray cat, and Tee Tucker, a chubby Welsh corgi. They have inane conversations that lack the wit of Disney’s animals and certainly possess intellectual faculties far removed from Jim Qwilleran’s Koko and YumYum of Lillian Jackson Braun’s “The Cat Who...” series. When a talking rat popped up the he nearly triggered my gag reflex. When the other creatures nicknamed him “Pope Rat” I found it offensive.

Furthermore, a list of characters in the front of the book failed to include some who were quite significant. Several even have names quite similar to the animals! Is there a shortage of names in the area? The citizens of this town aren’t quirky or even interesting, many are tedious caricatures and all are entirely too concerned with Harry’s love life. Everyone has an opinion - from her ex who wants her back, to his former “other woman” who wants to make peace with Harry and fixes her up with a handsome Uruguayan diplomat and even her pets who call her “Mom”. Throw in a midnight coon hunt, a sixty something suitor who rests on high school football laurels, and a “so you wasted my time” conclusion and I was very happy when I came to the end.

There are two bright spots however. Michael Gellatly’s illustrations of the animals are quite good and reminiscent of Garth Williams work in the “Little House “ series but I question their inclusion in the book. They seem more appropriate for a children’s book. As to the people of Crozet, how tolerant they are. Harry takes her animals with her everywhere as the alternative is for them to shred cushions and make a mess in the house. Rather than attempt to discipline them, she hauls them to work where they chew on mail and climb in post boxes. How would you like to order smoked salmon and have it delivered to THAT particular mailroom? She even brings them to a fancy dress ball! How would you like to have your satin shoes or sequined dress imperiled by pets? I cannot recommend this book. Cutesy animal conversations and agricultural exploits are not for me. Come to think of it, I never did like Lassie.

--Jane Davis